For those who have nothing to celebrate February 14, Valentine’s Dayan anniversary was invented that has more and more followers: Singles’ Day. A day to claim that you can be happy without having a partner, and that every day has a commercial translation with great offers and discounts such as trips, blind dates,…
This holiday is very traditional in China, but there it is celebrated on the 11th of the 11th (November) because the 1st is the day that represents unity, and for that matter, a single person. And in the rest of the countries the date is February 13 to anticipate the much celebrated Valentine’s Day.
There are more and more singles
According to the data of the Statistics National Institutes (INE), There are more and more singles in Spain.
In recent months, it has been achievedThe all-time high of 14 million of people
In front of the 20 million of Spaniards whose marital status is married.
It is a trend that does not stop growing and that has a psychological response, as explained by the psychologist Ana Isabel Sanz, director of Ipsias Psychiatric Institute.
“If the person knows how to adapt to each vital moment you find, they will all be advantages: go wherever you want, have more space vital, not having to agree on anything…
If, on the other hand, it is a person who has difficulty adapting, he or she will perceive multiple inconveniences,” he tells ‘Health Guides’.
And those drawbacks are:
Going places without a companion, organizing vacations alone, “not having anyone to talk to about things,” because even if they have friends “they may realize that they can’t talk to anyone.” A pressure that can increase if, on the contrary, singleness is not chosen.
“People who are single, but want to have a Relationship, They have to work with themselves on the real reasons that fuel that desire to couple. Obsessing about not having a relationship causes them to neglect themselves.”
And many people believe that not having a partner is closely related to not being “complete.” These types of limiting beliefs must be eliminated because they make the person feel insecure and unhappyeven when there are quality links with other subjects.
The social pressure of singles to find a partner
Ana Isabel Sanz indicates that it is “quite a challenge for single people to get rid of the social mandate to have a partner”. Today there is a belief that “being single is a problem”.
“It involves creating your own system of beliefs and values and learning to handle people’s comments and knowing how to set limits. Yes, there is more pressure for women, in fact there is the expression “golden bachelor” in reference to men and they are highly valued.”
However, “Single women are looked upon with compassion.” or as if they had some problem (which is obviously their responsibility, according to the society) for not having a partner.”
Scientifically, do we need another person to be fully happy?
exist Neurobiological data on the positive hormonal effects of body closenessof manifestations of affection such as the hugs. We also know more and more about the positive impact of socialization and healthy links on the integral development of people.
“What no discipline explains is the character and the rules that must govern that human warmth as a favorable substrate for the psychophysical well-beingor that it depends exclusively on what we receive from others,” emphasizes the psychologist.
However, people can feel well emotionally and “we have to learn to build our psychological stability by ourselves”.
“Making our happiness depend on something external (in this case the couple) is a mistake. very serious that encourages unhealthy attitudes in interaction. The message we are sending to the person is that to be happy need to (and therefore, depends on) another person”.
And all, despite the fact that the singleness to loneliness “and it is an association that is quite rooted in people.”
“There is a belief that the only valid form of companionship in life is through couple. It’s a thinking error, the fact of having a partner does not mean that we are accompanied. It is quite difficult to eradicate such social stereotypes because they continue to be fed through movies, family comments and the environment that is governed by these dogmas, and they have been there since childhood.”
There is also philophobia: the fear of having a partner
Is called philophobia and it is the irrational fear of establishing relationships with another person and fall in love. It is not a medical term, but it is a reality in our society. The philophobia It is considered an anxiety disorder and it is the fear of falling in love or connecting emotionally with another person.
And there is even the fear of being loved. “People with these insecurities have emotional wounds that lead them to assume that it is bad to have a partner.”
“That doesn’t mean they are more people emotionally independent. The subjects who are truly more independent are those who are capable of enjoying and adapting healthily to each life situation and to the bonding possibilities that each biographical situation offers them.”
But, also, people who enjoy the “loneliness” of not having a partner. “They are people who are good with themselves, they have good self-esteem, they live with what they have and enjoy it, they are not thinking about what they don’t have.”
“There are individuals with enough security to critically discuss the socially accepted models of sentimental patterns and who, furthermore, are capable of being immune to what others think and judge.”